Ripe For Renovation, Or A Recipe For Ruin?

Whether you want to make your mark on a house, or even make your millions in property development, you're not alone. There are hoards of house hunters who regularly scan our website for a few key phrases.

'Compact', 'retro' and 'bijou' are now such a standing joke that, thankfully, estate agents, (AKA 'space consultants') tend to shy away from using these weasel words.

But when you're looking for what they call in the US a 'fixer upper', deciphering house details can be quite a challenge, and can result in many wasted trips.

From descriptions that flatter the intrepid buyer, such as "awaits creative purchasers with inspiration and a sense of adventure," to those where omission speaks volumes, it helps to know exactly the words to watch for.

James Heasman, Director of County Homesearch, has seen many properties where the details were on the optimistic side. He suggests that you take some poetic licence into account when deciding what to view.

"Properties are usually a stage worse than they would suggest," says James. "If they say it needs a lick of paint it probably needs a new kitchen and bathroom too."

A Matter Of Opinion

But, Dominic Agace of Winkworth estate agents argues, "One of the main things to bear in mind with these generic phrases is that they are in the agent's opinion and, therefore, unavoidably open to a degree of interpretation."

"After all," says Agace, "What is 'in need of modernisation' to one buyer might be perfectly acceptable to another. For this reason it is best not to make up one's mind until having viewed the property thoroughly."

Perhaps what buyers need to call for is a universally agreed points system for scoring architectural decrepitude. It could go from one point for dodgy curtain poles, to 80 for galloping dry rot, and missing external walls. And if it reaches 100, you know you're looking at a building plot.

But, until this happens, we will all have to rely on a few well-known, but seldom understood, terms of reference. Although not cast in stone, there is surprising consensus among the professionals about what these euphemisms actually mean. So now, for the first time, we can reveal to you the secret meaning of those crucial phrases.

1. 'In excellent condition but...'

..the new owners of a property 'may wish to change the décor'. This is, of course, estate-agents' speak for 'viewers of an aesthetically sensitive nature may be offended by scenes of a distasteful nature'.

This could cover anything from striped wallpaper to faux stone cladding around the fireplace.

Don't let this put you off. You may find that you actually like the purple shag pile carpets, and if you wait long enough your home's individual 'look' will probably come back into fashion anyway.

And, unless they've artexed all the walls and ceilings, the good news is that, according to James Heasman, a quick redecoration job for an average three-bed house should set you back less than £5,000.

2. In need of improvement

It's unlikely to be in danger of falling down, but, like many of us, a house 'in need of improvement' may be tired and outdated.

Go on viewings expecting to see avocado suites and no space for your five-ringed range cooker. But, on the bright side, you probably won't see original wiring either.

Redecoration is a given, and is fairly cheap. The sky is, of course, the limit with bathroom and kitchen fittings, but you could usually do a modest refit for around £10,000.

3. In need of modernisation

Olde worlde charm can be very seductive, but olde worlde plumbing is no fun at all.

This is where the serious work and financial commitment really kicks in. As well as shelling out for a new kitchen and bathroom, you're likely to discover less desirable original features such as two-pin plug sockets and lead pipes.

Grab your hard hats and make friends with a good surveyor.

As well as the issues common to any old building, a renovation job will also include work to the fabric of the building. Anything is possible, but likely problems include severe damp, a leaking roof, and even subsidence.

You should never consider buying a property in this condition without a full structural survey, builder's quotes and nerves of steel. James Heasman estimates that you should put at least £35,000 aside for the vital works.

5. Renovation project

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse.

Add the word 'project' and you turn a potential home into a probable building site. Whatever can go wrong has probably gone wrong, and you're looking at major problems and big money.

Detatched 'renovation projects' on good-sized plots are very popular, however, as, permissions aside, they are sought after by buyers looking for a 'footprint', a house that they can knock down and rebuild.

Good examples include the islands in the Thames, such as Eel PIe Island, where Edwardian timber-framed bungalows are often bought, knocked down and replaced with something more substantial.

The costly scent of spores

Estate agents can usually spot a sagging roof or sniff out damp a mile away. But don't expect that their valuation will take into account the full cost of dragging an ageing property into the 21st century.

James Heasman illustrates, "For example, you could buy a house for £150,000 and spend £20,000 on doing it up, but your property may still only be worth £160,000 at the end." So you'd better really love that wreck.

And, while our estate agents are carefully crafting property details, perhaps they should take note of agents like Roy Brooks Ltd, whose business is still going strong since his demise, despite his unusually honest approach.

Roy was as brutal about his clients as he was about their properties, once describing a basement in Clapham as "suitable only for troglodytes and mushroom growers".

Or what about the seller who advertised his property as a "gruesome two-room apartment with balcony & very worn-out". He allegedly secured a quick sale, proving that a combination of honesty and grime really can pay.

Nikki Sheehan

Read more about Art Deco houses:

·         The Truth About Art Deco Houses

·         Divinely Deco

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